Well its another end of another month. Am I sad to see it go? You bet I am. It has been one of the most stressful months so far and I am glad to see the back of it. What with Jack in Hospital, work hours getting less and less and suffering from really bad bouts of depression. I am really glad to say goodbye to this month.
Why on earth do we get months like this? Some months run as smooth as silk and others just make you want to scream. I havent been able to blog as much as I feel at times I have had nothing much to say, even though the cup has been billowing over the edge!
But sometimes I feel like I just want to be on my own and I dont want to do a damn thing, which is very hard for me at times. The urge to move is getting stronger and stronger as I hate it even more here. My dream house has come up for sale but it is nearly half a million! So I have to dream. I would love to go and have a look at it, but it is up with one of those posh estate agents, so not a cat in hells chance. Its shape sings to me and it is one three floors, four bedrooms a huge craft/art/camera/sewing room for me. But it will never ever happen. So I will have to wonder and ponder who is the lucky person who will get to live in you ohh wonderous house.
But yes I am glad to see the back of this month and I dont think I will be the only member of the house to feel the same!
Saturday 31 March 2012
Friday 30 March 2012
Reflection
I havent been on a lot as of late my life has been well kind of upside down. I am only getting back to my usual rountines now. Its funny how one major upset can set the whole apple cart flying!!!! But I am getting there.
Yes there has been times when I could scream at everyone around me as I feel like they are not listening to me or I feel that way. I am going through a pretty depressing stage of my life at the moment. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and I even tried to take my own life once as I didnt want to be part of such an evil and nasty world. I have been told by the doctor that it is more on the bi-polar scale which yes scares the crap out of me. As some days I can be as high as a kite and other days I just want it all to end. It is not a nice condition to have. I tend to call it that as illness makes it sound more, well I dont want to think about it. Yes I am medication and I have been told I will be on it for the rest of my natural life. But I have still become a mother, a wife, a lover and an employee for a company I dearly love. I have the best boss in the world who understands what it is like for me to live in the shadow of mental health. My husband does, but I have to admit I do drive him to the edge at times and I know we have come very close to spliting up as my moods often take control of my life. I wish I could say piss off leave me alone today. Or get out of my head.
But I am one of the lucky ones who can live in society and do what I want despite what people think of me!!!!
But I am glad to say Jack is getting better and we have most of the appoitments through I just hope they are all not in vien and we can get some answers as to why he isnt breathing correctly on a night and I still do the checks on him! I am so scared that he could die in his sleep. So I do these checks and I gently put my hand to his mouth so I can feel his breath, It is so warm and soft on my skin I wish I could stay there forever and watch him. But I cant. So now is the sitting and waiting game.
Yes there has been times when I could scream at everyone around me as I feel like they are not listening to me or I feel that way. I am going through a pretty depressing stage of my life at the moment. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and I even tried to take my own life once as I didnt want to be part of such an evil and nasty world. I have been told by the doctor that it is more on the bi-polar scale which yes scares the crap out of me. As some days I can be as high as a kite and other days I just want it all to end. It is not a nice condition to have. I tend to call it that as illness makes it sound more, well I dont want to think about it. Yes I am medication and I have been told I will be on it for the rest of my natural life. But I have still become a mother, a wife, a lover and an employee for a company I dearly love. I have the best boss in the world who understands what it is like for me to live in the shadow of mental health. My husband does, but I have to admit I do drive him to the edge at times and I know we have come very close to spliting up as my moods often take control of my life. I wish I could say piss off leave me alone today. Or get out of my head.
But I am one of the lucky ones who can live in society and do what I want despite what people think of me!!!!
But I am glad to say Jack is getting better and we have most of the appoitments through I just hope they are all not in vien and we can get some answers as to why he isnt breathing correctly on a night and I still do the checks on him! I am so scared that he could die in his sleep. So I do these checks and I gently put my hand to his mouth so I can feel his breath, It is so warm and soft on my skin I wish I could stay there forever and watch him. But I cant. So now is the sitting and waiting game.
Wednesday 21 March 2012
Emergency Ward Ten
Well there has been a stressful time in the young household this past week. We had the youngest DS in hospital over the weekend. He had an asthma attack which in turn resulted in a hospitial admission and a four night stay in hospital. But it isnt over yet!!!! When he was asleep his oxygen levels were dangeriously low. So were are having to keep a close eye on him when he is asleep. He is crushing his windpipe when he is sleeping. So he is having to have more tests to do and a sleep test to see what happens when he is sleeping.
So we have had a pretty stressful few days. And hopefully it will start to settle down now. But it has been a few tense days and I just want it all to settle back down now!! If I see another kids ward I think I will run out screaming!!!! But the nursing staff were great and were even on our side in the end. As Jack was promised to get home after a test, but it didnt happen!!! So after a tense stand off with the doctor it was decided that Jack could go home on day release.
So we have had a pretty stressful few days. And hopefully it will start to settle down now. But it has been a few tense days and I just want it all to settle back down now!! If I see another kids ward I think I will run out screaming!!!! But the nursing staff were great and were even on our side in the end. As Jack was promised to get home after a test, but it didnt happen!!! So after a tense stand off with the doctor it was decided that Jack could go home on day release.
Wednesday 14 March 2012
Nothing much to say
I havent been on my blog as much as well, there isnt very much to be said!!!! Yes I am still ill, and now my driver has caught it!!! So she was very poorly yesterday, if I could have hugged her, I would have done!!!! All very quiet on the domestic front as well. Nothing much exciting has been happening here. Appart from there was a drugs raid around the corner and they found stuff!!!!
I wish people wouldnt do drugs it really isnt cool and it damages people around you!!!! Since the raid these people have been keeping a really low profile which is good for us! I just wish they would move away from here and I dont think that I am alone on this one.
I am going to a gig on saturday with my DS as I need a night out!!!!! Its only a local band, but they are soooo good and they are are good bunch of lads. I would like them to go far and I mean far!!! Northern music doesnt really get heard as much as it should, we have a lot of good bands up in theNorth East!!!
I wish people wouldnt do drugs it really isnt cool and it damages people around you!!!! Since the raid these people have been keeping a really low profile which is good for us! I just wish they would move away from here and I dont think that I am alone on this one.
I am going to a gig on saturday with my DS as I need a night out!!!!! Its only a local band, but they are soooo good and they are are good bunch of lads. I would like them to go far and I mean far!!! Northern music doesnt really get heard as much as it should, we have a lot of good bands up in theNorth East!!!
Sunday 11 March 2012
Getting better
Well it looks like I am on the mend at long last!!! I am still full of cold and a bit miserable at times. But I am starting to get there at long last! All I wish is that if kids are sick, why do parents insist on sending them to school. It bugs the life out of me. See if that child stayed off i wouldnt have had the cold!!! I think parents should be fined and I mean fined.
But I only have a little rant today. I have found out that one of my favourite bands is getting dissed big style and I am not very happy about this all. See the band is nickelback and they come from Canada and for some unkown reason some people have real beef with them! And I dont know why as they are far more annoying bands out there in the world. I have seen them and I love them! But some people insist on dissing them and boy they love to do it big style. Why cant they just turn the radio off or move away? Is it too easy? Or are they really dumb? Answers on a postcard pls?
But I only have a little rant today. I have found out that one of my favourite bands is getting dissed big style and I am not very happy about this all. See the band is nickelback and they come from Canada and for some unkown reason some people have real beef with them! And I dont know why as they are far more annoying bands out there in the world. I have seen them and I love them! But some people insist on dissing them and boy they love to do it big style. Why cant they just turn the radio off or move away? Is it too easy? Or are they really dumb? Answers on a postcard pls?
Thursday 8 March 2012
Stay At Home Day
Today I had a stay at home day. I still felt a little ropey after yesterday but decided that I would like to stay in today and have a tidy round and make some bits and peices which I have done and I am very proud of myself. I didnt want to stay in as I wanted some air. But I decided what the hell go ahead and relax.
I made my mums mothers day pictures and cards, so I am glad they are done and not just an empty canvas anymore. They are not quite done, but i am sure they will look great when they are done. I love making things and then giving them as gifts as my mum loves the idea. My sister doesnt, but its the thought that counts right?
I am doing an easy tea tonight as I cannot be bothered to cook anything. Sometimes I really for my boys, But I just feel so ropey and tired. So hence this post is short and sweet today!!!
I made my mums mothers day pictures and cards, so I am glad they are done and not just an empty canvas anymore. They are not quite done, but i am sure they will look great when they are done. I love making things and then giving them as gifts as my mum loves the idea. My sister doesnt, but its the thought that counts right?
I am doing an easy tea tonight as I cannot be bothered to cook anything. Sometimes I really for my boys, But I just feel so ropey and tired. So hence this post is short and sweet today!!!
Wednesday 7 March 2012
Tooth Out
Well this morning I had my tooth out and boy am I in pain now. All I want to do is curl up in bed and go to sleep. Well I was asleep untill I woke with blood dripping down my face like a zombie!!!! So I panicked and called my husband who is now at work. And he told me to call the dentist but I have decided against this!!! but the bleeding has subsided yay!!!
We lost another fish yesterday, so Paul went back to the pet shop dead fish in had and decided tp get them all changed. But he did get a refund and some more fish so he is a happy bunny!!!
I found a super cheap charity shop near the pet shop and I got loads of items for £7.10!!!!! My haul was as follows...... 2 tops, 1 olivtine mixer, 2 necklaces, a nice big bow and a 70'S cook book. I was well over the moon. I want to go back, I so badly do!!!! But I gave up as the pain got to me and I am now £46 out of pocket!!!! So I am going to have to resort to desperate measures and not go into the village for a wee while. Mind you I have to make 2 mothers day pictures for my mum, I did the plant but the pictures are next on my to do list. And I still have to buy a birthday present yet and make cards!!!
We lost another fish yesterday, so Paul went back to the pet shop dead fish in had and decided tp get them all changed. But he did get a refund and some more fish so he is a happy bunny!!!
I found a super cheap charity shop near the pet shop and I got loads of items for £7.10!!!!! My haul was as follows...... 2 tops, 1 olivtine mixer, 2 necklaces, a nice big bow and a 70'S cook book. I was well over the moon. I want to go back, I so badly do!!!! But I gave up as the pain got to me and I am now £46 out of pocket!!!! So I am going to have to resort to desperate measures and not go into the village for a wee while. Mind you I have to make 2 mothers day pictures for my mum, I did the plant but the pictures are next on my to do list. And I still have to buy a birthday present yet and make cards!!!
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Moan time
Okay, okay, I never ever have a moan, but today something has made me into a moany pants and an angry one at that!!!! I am a member of a forum called 'Money Saving Expert'. It normally is a good forum it is, I have found many, many, many bargains to ease me with everday living and it sometimes gives good advice.
But something really got a bee in my bonnet today, you see I have been watching a series called superscrimpers, which yes at times has been a bit cheesy, but most of the time the advice is very good and I have been able to apply it to everyday life. But on this forum all they have done is rip it to peices and I mean rip it to peices. If they were lions feeding on a poor innocent victim who didnt stand a chance.
All they have done is call people and I mean call and riddicule people, if those people read that forum they would be really offended!!! They dont even deserve it!!! these people wail on as if they are frugal pros. But I know for a fact some of them are lying. Even have gone as far to insuly people on how they are!!! Like people who have shaved heads!!! THANK YOU I HAVE SHAVED HAIR!!!
So I have really had to put pen to paper if you like!!! So sorry if you are a perfect frugalista {LIAR}. I only know of a few out there who live a life these so called people would to live Amanda Soule Blake is one! So go away and do something important!!
But something really got a bee in my bonnet today, you see I have been watching a series called superscrimpers, which yes at times has been a bit cheesy, but most of the time the advice is very good and I have been able to apply it to everyday life. But on this forum all they have done is rip it to peices and I mean rip it to peices. If they were lions feeding on a poor innocent victim who didnt stand a chance.
All they have done is call people and I mean call and riddicule people, if those people read that forum they would be really offended!!! They dont even deserve it!!! these people wail on as if they are frugal pros. But I know for a fact some of them are lying. Even have gone as far to insuly people on how they are!!! Like people who have shaved heads!!! THANK YOU I HAVE SHAVED HAIR!!!
So I have really had to put pen to paper if you like!!! So sorry if you are a perfect frugalista {LIAR}. I only know of a few out there who live a life these so called people would to live Amanda Soule Blake is one! So go away and do something important!!
Monday 5 March 2012
tooth Ache
I have really suffered this weekend I have. I have had the worlds worst toothache. I could cry at times with the pain, but boy have I been brave, I really have. It all started or so I thought, started on Wednesday when I ate a hard sweetie and broke my wisdom tooth. Erm nope it wasnt that. Annoying but no! It turns out I have a wobbly tooth with a nasty infection hiding underneath. See I only realised it was this one this morning when I wobbled it jokingly in the charity shop. But I didnt think it was wobbly untill the assistant manager noticed what it was doing!!!!!
So this tooth has caught me on my blindside grrr..... And I am going to be £46 lighter thanks to this baby!!! And I brush my teeth honest guv I do!!! Infact I am quite clincial about it. Giving them a jolly good scrub to make sure that I get all the bits out!!!
So I am not a happy little bunny today. I had a poor months pay as well and well it has nearly all gone!!! I darent tell DH as he will kill me. Looks like I am going to have to find a full time job. As this is getting ridiclous and I have nothing at all for a rainy day and I mean nothing. So if a major dental job comes along I have nothing!!!!
So this tooth has caught me on my blindside grrr..... And I am going to be £46 lighter thanks to this baby!!! And I brush my teeth honest guv I do!!! Infact I am quite clincial about it. Giving them a jolly good scrub to make sure that I get all the bits out!!!
So I am not a happy little bunny today. I had a poor months pay as well and well it has nearly all gone!!! I darent tell DH as he will kill me. Looks like I am going to have to find a full time job. As this is getting ridiclous and I have nothing at all for a rainy day and I mean nothing. So if a major dental job comes along I have nothing!!!!
Friday 2 March 2012
Mad March Hairs!!!
Well I met my mum yesterday and well she hates my hair cut. Infact according to her, she thinks I have lost it!!!! Hence the title mad march hairs!!! She wanted to know if the hairdresser was drunk? But I have always wanted a haircut like this!!! Nice long fringe and uber short shaved sides and a nice bit on top!!!! My dream cut. But no she says I look stupid and I should stop taking the stupid pills! What a nice mum I have!!!
I do love her though this is why I take everything with wee pinches of salt. And dont swallow it!!!
But I know she only has my best interests at heart. Bless my lovely mum! I mean I have body piercings and I dress kinda strange, but I have always been like that so I dont even think about what I do anymore!!!!
My youngest son went to the hospital yesterday for 3 hours we were stuck there and it was like mental torture. Mind you I did end up people watching which was nice. I feel so sorry for some of the people that go in and out of that place. If I ended up like some of those people I would lose the will to live. But in a way I really do admire these people and how they take on everyday living. My FIL is one person I love and admire. He has COPD, he lives on oxygen, he has angina and other problems, but he gets on with life and living. Even if we did lose a very special MIL 5 years to cancer. He has always been the strong one.
So is my husband he has had a fair amount of industrial accidents to the point were he is disabled now and still works!!! I just want to hug them all. The only affect it has had on us, is that we live seperate lives. But we still love each other, he just doesnt want to hurt us anymore. But I respect that and yes I do miss the cuddles and kisses and the moral support.
I do love her though this is why I take everything with wee pinches of salt. And dont swallow it!!!
But I know she only has my best interests at heart. Bless my lovely mum! I mean I have body piercings and I dress kinda strange, but I have always been like that so I dont even think about what I do anymore!!!!
My youngest son went to the hospital yesterday for 3 hours we were stuck there and it was like mental torture. Mind you I did end up people watching which was nice. I feel so sorry for some of the people that go in and out of that place. If I ended up like some of those people I would lose the will to live. But in a way I really do admire these people and how they take on everyday living. My FIL is one person I love and admire. He has COPD, he lives on oxygen, he has angina and other problems, but he gets on with life and living. Even if we did lose a very special MIL 5 years to cancer. He has always been the strong one.
So is my husband he has had a fair amount of industrial accidents to the point were he is disabled now and still works!!! I just want to hug them all. The only affect it has had on us, is that we live seperate lives. But we still love each other, he just doesnt want to hurt us anymore. But I respect that and yes I do miss the cuddles and kisses and the moral support.
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