Reflection

 I havent been on a lot as of late my life has been well kind of upside down. I am only getting back to my usual rountines now. Its funny how one major upset can set the whole apple cart flying!!!!  But I am getting there.
   Yes there has been times when I could scream at everyone around me as I feel like they are not listening to me or I feel that way. I am going through a pretty depressing stage of my life at the moment. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and I even tried to take my own life once as I didnt want to be part of such an evil and nasty world. I have been told by the doctor that it is more on the bi-polar scale which yes scares the crap out of me. As some days I can be as high as a kite and other days I just want it all to end.  It is not a nice condition to have. I tend to call it that as illness makes it sound more, well I dont want to think about it. Yes I am medication and I have been told I will be on it for the rest of my natural life. But I have still become a mother, a wife, a lover and an employee for a company I dearly love. I have the best boss in the world who understands what it is like for me to live in the shadow of mental health. My husband does, but I have to admit I do drive him to the edge at times and I know we have come very close to spliting up as my moods often take control of my life. I wish I could say piss off leave me alone today. Or get out of my head.

     But I am one of the lucky ones who can live in society and do what I want despite what people think of me!!!!
  But I am glad to say Jack is getting better and we have most of the appoitments through I just hope they are all not in vien and we can get some answers as to why he isnt breathing correctly on a night and I still do the checks on him! I am so scared that he could die in his sleep. So I do these checks and I gently put my hand to his mouth so I can feel his breath, It is so warm and soft on my skin I wish I could stay there forever and watch him. But I cant. So now is the sitting and waiting game.